A thread from /forum/Fuck-Mails

please help

jtab wrote on Wed, 29 March 2013 03:24I don't deserve to be treated how I have been and am currently beating treated.

Just because I was driven to a suicidal, tramuatic rage by zelly, and she posted the jtapes, I can understand why no one takes me seriously. Why everyone thinks I'm a asshole DESPITE a long life of volunteer service, religion, community, family, and sticking by my friends through thick and thin.

I don't feel like I need to explain myself to anyone. I know in my heart that I am a good person. As a toddler, I would pick up ever single bug I I found on pavement and put it in the trees, for safety. when my parents divorced, despite the fact that my mom was awesome and my dad was an asshole, my sister instantly stuck to my mom so I made the choice to stay with my dad because I knew he'd need someone to take care of him. not to mention, like, all the times up until high school that I volunteered at nursing homes, spending time with the forgotten elderly just because I enjoyed their company so much. In elementary school, I once got beat up by a gang of girls because I told them to stop beating up another kid. In middle school, I got beat up by a fat kid who was trying to shove another kid in a puddle, and I stopped him. in high school, because I was jewish, a bunch of people would fill my locker with nazi logos and others would harass me and call me demeaning names, some picking fights with me. after high school, I dated a girl for three years that was the president of the volunteer club. Naturally, I did a shitload across boston. In EVERY situation, I always did my best to make the most moral choice. Not because I feel like I have to; I honestly don't give a fuck about right or wrong. But I am a good person and just being good makes me happy.

So just because Zelly, a friend of mine since high school even though I never met her, became abusive, cruel, and just downright mean, I lost control. Being the moral person I am, I don't really understand it when a friend starts to hate me. I still don't know to this day what made her sick of me. I was confused and absolutely retarded in the situation. Several times before she started being abusive, I asked her if we should stop talking, and each time she said no. So naturally, when she would subtly say things that were just... fucked up... I would call her out on her bullshit. rather than deal with me honestly, she would insult, and provoke me. Yes, there were times that she blocked me. But she didn't block me often. I guess, to her, since blocks were long term, she wanted to get me the most fed up I could be before she used one for the most effectiveness.

I even talked to jeytr about this, also known as the user zeiiy. He was zelly's boyfriend (or so he tells me) while this was all going on. Being on par for a typical wetgenes person, he himself saw what was going on and saw how wrong it was. Talking to him while he was drunk one skype one night, he spilled the beans about him and zelly and a lot of personal info that, honestly, i wish i didn't know. But then again, knowing the truth behind zelly's unrelenting attacks was enough for me to settle my grudge with her.

But here's where it's a probelm:

Jeytr told me that zelly was showing off my conversations, personal info, and anything she could get her hands on HARD to other friends, encouraging them to provoke me. Jeytr told me that it was bugging him so much that he broke up with her. Or.... I think he did. Last time I talked to him, he seemed to be drooling over the fact that she acts out his pedophila fantasies. (I was like, "dude she's six feet tall how can she be a little girl" and he was all "she's not standing at the time" uurgh. ew. this is another reason I dropped the grudge with zelly; she is seriously fucked up. ) So I dunno. Maybe they're in the relationship limbo where you're not together but all you do is fuck? who knows or cares. My point is, he thought it was wrong. He talked to me, and despite hearing the jtapes, he knew I was not a bad person. Because I am not.

internet people are so quick to judge though. Those jtapes were all they needed to blow up my phone, sent me messages like "this is zell and you're going to jail you fucking freak I called the cops" and "I'm posting the jtapes to all your facebook friends" and ect ect. I have blox saying "I hope you die" followed by "I hope your family is raped and murdered in front of you." those are the kinda things that are said to prisoners of war that get tortured. Me, as a person, I should never have to have that directed to me.

If you havn't noticed by now, I have a lack of emotional control. I apologize for that. Please understand that the kind of stress that I was under from this place alone would've probably driven a lesser man to suicide. For me, I may have lived, but not without trauma. Not without the thought that I'll never have a job again if people hear this, no one will ever care for me, no one will believe anything I say even though my ENTIRE life I've been trying to do nothing but love and be loved. This paranoid fear follows me around forever, now, keeping me up at night. The situation between zelly and I put me in a mental hospital, shi. I was on suicide watch because I almost jumped out of a moving car.

what happened to me on here was unfair. I know you were trying to give me magnets before xix stepped in. I have many complaints about xix.

1.) during the 2013 "reset" despite the fact that erik_revolution and I got the same -100 mud, erik's was cleared and mine wasn't.

2.) when blox complained about me on the forums, xix told blox to challenge me. HE DID NOT. when I challenged blox, the refused. when I asked xix what would happen if he refused to fight, he said "mud felony." why would I be mudded if the person I challenged backed out? Here I was trying to do xix a favor by thunderdoming blox, and his response was to mud me. That makes no sense.

3.) blox. Once, on a clean i.p, as a guest, I was in tv staying silent. I sux'd a video of his, and instantly he beings a round of insults. He doesn't stop. five minutes past he's still saying things like "you wanna fuck with me?" "I WILL DESTORY YOU" "that's right you stay quiet" "you're a little bitch" and like ANY person would do in that situation, I said "dude, stfu" and boom I was banned. What does that tell you about his personality? you think a person like this makes people want to join your site? you ever wonder why there are very few people that come to this site compared to years before FOR A REASON?

4.) also, xix should not be mad if someone calls him a fatass, seeing as he uses the word liberally. I still stand by the belief that anyone who cannot take what they dish out is utterly pathetic. this includes blox and the example I showed.

I seriously have no beef with anyone. I tried several times to make peace with blox. I did everything. I was his bitch for a day, and the next week he still ends up banning/gimping/punching. He responds with an obsessive hatred for me simply because I don't let him walk all over me. And everyone calls ME the provoker, and says it's my fault.

I can't keep typing. There's so much more I want to say but.... this is just unfair. This is cruel, it's demeaning. the abusers are rewarded while me, the victim, am left broken, crying late at nights, on pills and medications... this is just un fair...

As a fellow human being, please, if you don't do anything about this, just at least respond to me. Please.

-tab