I have vivid memories of a wasted childhood of reading the Choose Your Own Adventure books. In order to replace the life of excitement I could only ever dream of having, I buried myself in these books.
Now you, humble WetTalkies reader, can join in an all new Choose Your Own Adventure, written by your resident "guro spammer." There will be Acción, Humeur, Suspenso, and Sexe! Most of you are too lazy or have such short attention spans that you are unable to concentrate on static text, so I decided something interactive would be more interesting.
The rules are simple. I write a wall of text, you read it, and choose a decision at the end. This goes on until you either die, or win the game. Most of the endings will involve sex and/or violence, whether good or bad, to keep you entertained, and to keep myself entertained.
With that out of the way, let's get started.
First, pick some stats for your character:
- Name
- Gender
- Age
- Location/Habitation
- Sexual Orientation (this will come into play later)
Name: Kai
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Rhode Island
Sexual Orientation: Bi, because I know where that purdy gay swimmer boy's pingas of his has been. <3
Your name is Kai, and you are the biggest loser in all of Pxwatawnaqua, Rhode Island. Throughout all of high school, you were bullied, often being called "homo" and "faggot." They were proven (half) right when you violently raped a male classmate up the ass for stealing your favorite "My Little Pony" lunboks. Your Algebra teacher walked in on you, and immediately began to masturbate. Only when you had both finished, were you sent to the office and permanently expelled. You were thrown out of your own house to live on the streets, but you did not care. From then on, you were determined to meet your ultimate fantasy: a girl with both a penis and a vagina. Only then did you know you could be truly satisfied, for dicks or cunts alone are not enough.
This may be a noble endevor, however you may or may not succeed. The forces of evil and homophobia are strong in Pxwatawnaqua, and the local Neo-Presbytario-Baptist Church has been on your ass ever sinced you used the pointy cross in their lawn to pleasure yourself. The only gay/lesbian/tranny bar in the town recently closed down, due to pressuring from "concerned" parents. However, if you search long and hard enough, you may eventually find what you're looking for. Remember - dicks don't grow on trees.
_________________________________________________________
You are sitting in your home, waiting for the pouring rain to stop. At least you had recently fixed the leakage problem by throwing an old blanket on top of the cardboard box. It smelled like piss and alcohol anyways. You look around you, taking in your surroundings and doing a quick inventory check.
Inventory:
1 Trusty rubber dildo
1 Large, but dull hunting knife
8 Very old condoms
A pile of dead babies (too heavy to carry)
A filter that can turn urine into semi-drinkable water
A bottle of water. It smells funny.
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Everything seems in good order. It's time to get started, on your search for the most beautiful chick with a dick and a slit in the world.
What do you do next?
- If you want to pretend like you're actually reading a CYOA book, open the nearest book and go to page 31
- Find something to eat. There's an indoor playground a few blocks away.
- Go to the nearest bar and look for any futa
- Other (you tell me what)
Kai being the raging homosexual he is, tries to locate the gayest area within the town. Since the gay bar is closed down, he decides to go to the town's second gayest location - An Abercrombie and Fitch store. Despite his poorness, he still had the fabulous look about him... Because he had killed a homosexual yesterday, stole his clothes and then ate was left. He believes in recycling everything if possible.
Kai sharpens the dull hunting knife by using the nearest rock he can find, cuts open his torso and searches for valuable bling from his own internal organs.
- Other (Go to the nearest Abercrombie and Fitch store)
You leave your corrugated dwelling and head out towards the local mall, where the only A & F store is located. Such an area of concentrated gayness is difficult to come by in Pxwatawnaqua. However, Abercrombie and Fitch is an oasis of homosexuality amidst a desert of racial prejiduce.
As soon as you enter the store, your gaydar goes off. There is faggotry in every direction but the door. In fact, you can see two tall, tan, and athletic guys patting each other on the back, until their hands move down lower and they begin affectionately fondling each other's asses. Then they lean in closer so that their lips just barely brush. They try to pull back, but are too far caught up in their passion to stop now. You turn away and head towards another section, not wanting to distract them from their happiness.
You quickly scan the store for any futa, but the only girls present are teenage sluts, who would never go for a loser like you. The rest of the patrons seem to be gay men. None of the penises present are attached to a female. You decide to just look at the
As you browse the oh-so-erotic clothing, you hear muffled moans coming from one of the changing rooms. From here you can't tell whether it belongs to a male or a female. Whatever it is, it seems to be getting louder, making it difficult to concentrate on the clothing. Maybe you should do something about it.
- Walk up to the changing room, yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
- Come charging into the changing room
- Walk up to the changing room, ask the person in there to stop
- Just leave the store
I have vivid memories of a wasted childhood of reading the Choose Your Own Adventure books. In order to replace the life of excitement I could only ever dream of having, I buried myself in these books.
Now you, humble WetTalkies reader, can join in an all new Choose Your Own Adventure, written by your resident "guro spammer." There will be Acción, Humeur, Suspenso, and Sexe! Most of you are too lazy or have such short attention spans that you are unable to concentrate on static text, so I decided something interactive would be more interesting.
The rules are simple. I write a wall of text, you read it, and choose a decision at the end. This goes on until you either die, or win the game. Most of the endings will involve sex and/or violence, whether good or bad, to keep you entertained, and to keep myself entertained.
With that out of the way, let's get started.
First, pick some stats for your character:
- Name
- Gender
- Age
- Location/Habitation
- Sexual Orientation (this will come into play later)
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Rhode Island
Sexual Orientation: Bi, because I know where that purdy gay swimmer boy's pingas of his has been. <3
This may be a noble endevor, however you may or may not succeed. The forces of evil and homophobia are strong in Pxwatawnaqua, and the local Neo-Presbytario-Baptist Church has been on your ass ever sinced you used the pointy cross in their lawn to pleasure yourself. The only gay/lesbian/tranny bar in the town recently closed down, due to pressuring from "concerned" parents. However, if you search long and hard enough, you may eventually find what you're looking for. Remember - dicks don't grow on trees.
_________________________________________________________
You are sitting in your home, waiting for the pouring rain to stop. At least you had recently fixed the leakage problem by throwing an old blanket on top of the cardboard box. It smelled like piss and alcohol anyways. You look around you, taking in your surroundings and doing a quick inventory check.
Inventory:
1 Trusty rubber dildo
1 Large, but dull hunting knife
8 Very old condoms
A pile of dead babies (too heavy to carry)
A filter that can turn urine into semi-drinkable water
A bottle of water. It smells funny.
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Everything seems in good order. It's time to get started, on your search for the most beautiful chick with a dick and a slit in the world.
What do you do next?
- If you want to pretend like you're actually reading a CYOA book, open the nearest book and go to page 31
- Find something to eat. There's an indoor playground a few blocks away.
- Go to the nearest bar and look for any futa
- Other (you tell me what)
You leave your corrugated dwelling and head out towards the local mall, where the only A & F store is located. Such an area of concentrated gayness is difficult to come by in Pxwatawnaqua. However, Abercrombie and Fitch is an oasis of homosexuality amidst a desert of racial prejiduce.
As soon as you enter the store, your gaydar goes off. There is faggotry in every direction but the door. In fact, you can see two tall, tan, and athletic guys patting each other on the back, until their hands move down lower and they begin affectionately fondling each other's asses. Then they lean in closer so that their lips just barely brush. They try to pull back, but are too far caught up in their passion to stop now. You turn away and head towards another section, not wanting to distract them from their happiness.
You quickly scan the store for any futa, but the only girls present are teenage sluts, who would never go for a loser like you. The rest of the patrons seem to be gay men. None of the penises present are attached to a female. You decide to just look at the
As you browse the oh-so-erotic clothing, you hear muffled moans coming from one of the changing rooms. From here you can't tell whether it belongs to a male or a female. Whatever it is, it seems to be getting louder, making it difficult to concentrate on the clothing. Maybe you should do something about it.
- Walk up to the changing room, yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
- Come charging into the changing room
- Walk up to the changing room, ask the person in there to stop
- Just leave the store
- Walk up to the changing room, yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Tosi wrote on Sat, 09 May 2009 20:36
- Walk up to the changing room, yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"